Column: If Noah lived in Indiana, who would control ark?

The new movie about Noah and his ark, combined with the antics of the Indiana General Assembly, led me to set the fabled story here in the Hoosier state.

We would need an acceptable name for Noah’s wife. Naamah is her name in the movie, but scholars disagree about the accuracy of this. Our legislature would choose a name more consistent with our comfort levels. Just as the Indiana General Assembly once defined the value of pi, they would determine Noah’s wife was Debbie.

Noah did not seek any public funds to build the ark, which would be a totally private effort. Prevailing wages would not apply, and normal safety and sanitation standards would be suspended. Noah, Debbie and their sons did all the work. Experienced, skilled, unionized craftsmen did not contribute to the project. Only with guidance from above was the vessel seaworthy.

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