Column: Views of front lines in Indiana cold (beer) war

The regulars who frequent Fitness by Denial were sitting around imbibing their favorite beverages when the topic came up. “What do you think of the court’s decision in the cold-beer wars?” asked a senior member of the state legislature.

“Perfect,” said a second, who runs one of Indiana’s regulatory commissions. “We ought to invite that judge to join our club. His ruling is totally in keeping with our mission: “to maintain Indiana’s superiority in all matters by denying any alleged defects in our institutions.”

“But did it make sense?” asked the legislator. “After all he didn’t settle anything. Is it right that cold beer be sold only by liquor stores and not by groceries and other stores that are condemned to sell warm beer? Is the temperature of the beer really the issue? Is this a measure to keep cold beer out of the hands of children?”

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