As a Roman Catholic male, I am eligible to become pope. Granted, it’s something of a long shot, but just in case, I have prepared my application:
“Howdy do, buongiorno and Dominus Vobiscum from Indianapolis, Indiana, home of the world’s greatest automobile race and, should the white smoke puff in my favor, the next bishop of Rome, vicar of Jesus Christ, successor of the Prince of the Apostles, supreme pontiff of the Universal Church, patriarch of the West, primate of Italy, archbishop and metropolitan of the Roman Province, sovereign of the State of the Vatican City, servant of the servants of God.
“I’d like to state my case for papal office. As you can see from my résumé, I am currently a freelance writer, part-time farmer and adjunct professor. This means I have plenty of spare time, which I would gladly apply to popeing. Popeitude. Being pope.