Stop the insanity: no more timeouts

My fellow Americans, I write today about a most pressing issue of profound national importance.

While others may try to distract us with talk of economic collapse, global warming and international conflict, they are merely charlatans. Do not lose focus on what truly troubles us.

I speak, of course, about the insidious practice of NFL coaches calling timeout at the last possible second before an opposing game-winning field-goal attempt.

Please, make it stop.

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