Contemplating turtle speeds and everything else you thought you knew

<p>I’m driving east from Morgantown with the ice cream and other last minute groceries I was sent to fetch for lunch with our houseguests, and on my favorite part of the three-mile drive between the IGA and our house.</p><p>Just shy of a mile, it is the straightest part of an otherwise curvy country road. The pavement is smooth and the wide, flat farm fields on both sides make it easy to see. The 50 mph speed limit is handy when I am in a hurry, but today I am taking it easy enjoying windows down and warm spring air. Up ahead I notice a small something in the road. I think it is a turtle. Yep. Well, it is that time of year.</p><p>I swerve and drive around it before I realize who I am and what I am doing. I have been stopping for errant roadway turtles for years and consider myself part of the unofficial Turtle Rescue Squad. I slow down and check the rearview mirror. No one behind me, so I stop and back up until I am next to the little road warrior. There is a big white pick-up coming towards me but it is far enough away and not going fast, so I open the door and get out.</p><p>Turtles start making public appearances on roads in Indiana in April and May usually for one of two reasons: either they are looking for mates or looking for places to lay eggs. I can’t tell if this turtle is male or female, but I make the decision to call her “Eleanor” because I like the song of the same name by the 1960s band The Turtles.</p><p>Eleanor is almost exactly in the middle of the road, but it is obvious she is heading south. Turtle rescuers should always move turtles to the side of the road to which they are headed, so assuring myself she is not a snapping turtle, I reach down and spread my fingers to grab her by the sides of her shell near her front legs. That’s when she speeds away from me.</p><p>Yes, I mean “speeds.” I am startled and draw back as she races away on her little turtle legs toward my vehicle. Whoa. Who knew turtles could move so fast? This upends my world. Makes me question everything. Is everything I thought I knew wrong? If turtles are fast, what does that mean for the “Slow and steady wins the race” lesson we learn in the Tortoise and Hare fable? How can I berate someone for being “as slow as a turtle” now that I know the truth? Will I go faster or slower when I adjust the speed control on my tractor from the rabbit to turtle icon?”</p><p>Although my mind is reeling with this new revelation, I have the sense to check on the progress of the approaching white pick-up. As it slows down to go by, the driver looks over. I smile and wave. Not sure through the dark glass whether he smiles back. Can’t guess what he is thinking.</p><p>No other vehicles are coming, so I check under my car. Eleanor has secured herself exactly in the middle of things. I consider crawling underneath or finding something to prod her with, but I decide to straddle her with my car as I slowly drive away. I pull out hoping she doesn’t decide to make a dash for it at that moment. I hear no sickening crunch, and when I am a couple of car lengths away, I stop and look back.</p><p>Eleanor is already to the southern edge of the road and nearly in the grass. I am sure she is safe now. I contemplate my speedy turtle adventure and the error of being too certain about the world, as I continue home with the ice cream.</p><p>Thanks for the lesson, Eleanor. Gee, I think you’re swell.</p>