Knight
October is almost over which means the special media focus on National Breast Cancer Awareness Month will be coming to a close. Throughout this month we have been reminded by features in our local newspaper as well as in the national media that awareness of a problem is the first step to a solution. Although breast cancer research goes on year-round, designating a particular month to focus on the disease surely is a helpful tool in the battle.
The month of October with its focus on breast cancer can be a particularly powerful time for those of us who have experienced the fears and tribulations as well as the hopes that come with this disease. October in the year of our Lord 2022, is notable to me personally because 20 years ago this month my wife Lesley succumbed to breast cancer. 20 years.
We humans like to mark events with round numbers. 19 calendar years is only one different than 20 years, but somehow it feels like a bigger, more important distinction.
Her sister, Debbie, and I talked about the very idea of something so life-altering happening in the past. We agreed on the mystery: “How is it I can think ‘Wow, 20 years. That is a long time past. So many things have happened.’ And at the same time ponder how quickly those 20 years have gone by. Less than a blink of the eye.”
Time itself is the mystery. How can I be here today in this moment and, after an unasked for sensory cue—the wisp of smoke from a candle in the dark room, the sensation of the first bite of an ice cream bar, the wide vista of a breezy autumn scene in Brown County—and instantly be transported somewhere far away, say, twenty years ago?
We modern humans find it useful to mark time in a linear fashion. First this moment then the next then the next. But there are other ways to think about time. Many religions perceive time as a wheel or as a spiral. C.S. Lewis thought humans experienced life within the bounds of a time-stream: while God, who is outside of time, sees the past, present and future as simply “now.” This made me think of a quote by the writer Ray Cummings: “Time is what keeps everything from happening all at once.”
The last 20 years of my life have been filled to overflowing with events and experiences—beautiful, revealing and humbling—that have made me who I am today. It’s like I have been blessed with another life, a life in full. Part of this “new” life is, of course, because of what I bring to it from those years I lived as a partner of someone with breast cancer. I feel I know something of cancer’s highs and lows, and I know as well the mental gymnastics we humans often play when we face disease and other trials.
I wish Lesley’s confrontation with cancer had never occurred. I wish its progress could have been halted and reversed. But I am most grateful that the two of us had each other to the end. We also had the support of others. I am thankful for the efforts made by caring people such as those who organize and promote National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I know the awareness of others made a difference in our lives.
Norman Knight, a retired Clark-Pleasant Middle School teacher, writes this weekly column for the Daily Journal. Send comments to [email protected].
