I am not feeling well. Been this way for several days.
I am weak; I am listless. I have no list.
I could tell I wasn’t my normally funny (in my own mind) self. Becky felt my unfunny forehead and suggested I take one of those home COVID tests.
“A COVID test? But I haven’t studied,” I said, looking forlorn and drooping my eyelids.
She didn’t laugh and said it was clear I was once a middle school teacher. I wouldn’t have laughed either.
She found the test kit and we read the instructions. I took one of the sticks and stuck it up my right nostril and swished it around for the allotted time. Then, using the same wand, I swabbed the left one. The results were nearly instantaneous. So fast, I didn’t even have time to finish the old magazine I picked up in the waiting room. Two little lines on the viewing area diagnosed me as having the virus. Thanks, Doctor.
Speaking of COVID. I get that it is an acronym standing for COronaVIrus Disease of 2019 even though it is now 2024 and we non-medical regular people long ago started dropping the “19” when we name it. My first question is, why doesn’t it work as an entry when Becky and I play Wordle? I guess it is because acronyms are not allowed in the rules of the game. It makes me wonder about other acronyms. Does RADAR work? Does SCUBA? Maybe I’ll try those words next time we play.
Okay, I accept I have COVID. This tells me that to be a thoughtful citizen, I should not be out among people. Becky is a people, of course. But back in 2020, when she tested positive for COVID, we were around each other, and I never contracted the disease. I started wondering if maybe there is some sort of immunity spouses acquire from each other. Like her immunity to my humor or my resistance to her reminders of various social gatherings we are supposed to attend. I admit I have found very little scientific support for this theory.
The only thing on today’s plate is my newspaper column deadline. I usually wander around while I am in the midst of writing. Pacing helps me ideate. This is a cool verb I picked from crossword puzzles. It means to form an idea. Now that I am ideating this thought, it occurs to me — why couldn’t I mentally wander around ideating from the comfort of my warm bed? I suppose a person can ideate from wherever he or she happens to be.
Okay, to ideate in style I am going to need a few things. My coffee cup and computer of course. I can gather those together easily enough. I know it’s called a “laptop” but I don’t have much success when typing with mine unless I have something to lean back on. I am reminded of that middle school riddle: Q: What disappears when you stand up? A: Your lap. A couple of pillows behind me should do the trick. Now that I am ensconced in my comfy spot I can ideate in style. So, now what?
Let’s see. I could write about being sick. I could tell some sick jokes. Not those cruel “sick” jokes about other people’s misfortunes, disabilities or jokes that cross a PC line, but jokes about being sick. Still, being sick, as we all know, is usually not all that funny especially if you are the sick-ee. Hmm. better think this through.
Boy, these pillows are soft and the blankets are warm and cozy. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I was coughing and couldn’t get comfortable. Maybe I can ideate with my eyes closed …
Norman Knight, a retired Clark-Pleasant Middle School teacher, writes this weekly column for the Daily Journal. Send comments to [email protected].
