My younger brother knows there are certain days of the week on which I attempt to write. Invariably, these are the days he tries to contact me.
“Are you writing?” he texts as I am walking Luna the Dog while thinking about writing ideas. I wind up calling him and explaining that, yes, I am writing, sort of, and then we chat.
During our conversation, he almost always has a joke to tell me. I always laugh because they are funny, but the sad truth is a good joke — or a bad one — told to me does not get passed on because I am not good at remembering jokes. When I try to re-tell a joke, I leave out important parts, or get the sequence of events out of order, or mangle the punchline. You could say I am a stand-up comedian who should stay seated.
These conversations with my brother over the years almost always include a dig at how I am a procrastinator — “The Great Procrastinator” — in his mind. I always challenge that, but not too strongly because I know it’s pretty much true. I can always find chores that need to be done or projects I should follow up on when I set out to do something of a creative nature. I am sure one reason I respond to his texts and calls on my writing days is because they serve as a justifiable diversion from writing.
On one of my recent writing days he called as I was walking Luna, and we talked. Eventually, he got around to pointing out that I seemed to be procrastinating. “Ha!” I responded. “It’s not procrastination. It just so happens I had to go out into civilization for a dermatologist appointment. I couldn’t very well write while I was driving the car or sitting in the chair in the examination room, now could I?”
I told my brother I had gone for a checkup visit. It turned out to be a good news visit, and I would not need to make a follow-up appointment. I figured, as long as I was there, I would ask him about my itchy feet. The good doctor explained that I had something often called “golfer’s rash.” It seems people who golf, run, walk or hike for prolonged periods in warm weather often develop this common rash. I later learned it is also called “Disney rash” because those who do the Disney World experience usually walk more than they normally would.
It turns out, this condition occurs most often in people age 50 and over. “Great,” I grumbled. “Besides bad knees, arthritis, hearing loss, and general tiredness, there is yet another age-related medical problem out there. The thing is, I haven’t golfed since I took P.E. during high school summer school. Furthermore, I have never, ever visited any of the Disney theme parks. So, where do I go, and whom do I call to complain about this?”
Well, it turns out, there is no 1-800-WHINERS complaint line, so I will continue to use the anti-itch cream I have been slathering on, and I will consider trying some other standard medical advice. I will temporarily reduce warm weather exercise, and I will apply a cool towel to the affected area, and I will probably try an antihistamine if the itching doesn’t go away.
So, yeah, little brother, it wasn’t procrastination at all. And I am going to get started right away, writing away. But first: Have you heard this one? Joe Biden, Donald Trump, and RFK, Jr. walk into a bar…
Norman Knight, a retired Clark-Pleasant Middle School teacher, writes this weekly column for the Daily Journal. Send comments to [email protected].
