Finished at the self-checkout register, I proceeded to lug the bags of groceries into the cart.
“Whoa, probably packed too many heavy items in this bag.”
I am reminded that I am not nearly as strong as I once was. I sigh inside. I wheel the cart to the car, pack the bags in, roll the cart into the carrel like a good citizen, then hop in and drive away.
On the road I get behind a silver car which is behind a white pickup truck which is behind a black compact the driver of which, it soon becomes clear, is either not sure of where they want to turn, or if they want to turn, or how fast they should be going. They have decided on a much slower-than-posted speed while they figure it out, I guess.
The grocery store was the last of several stops I made on this trip to civilization. I am always impatient to get home after spending time in the World, so this current traffic situation is starting to frustrate me. “Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace,” as the Dalai Lama says, so I try to relax and focus on the drive and the beautiful country summer scenery sliding by.
My mind wanders to a recent church sermon and how the minister used the song “Let It Go” from the movie Frozen as a jumping off point for his talk. He has two young daughters, and from personal observations of my own granddaughters, I know the movie can have a hypnotic hold on young girls. I understand how the song is likely on heavy rotation on the minister’s mental playlist. Well, as mantras go, surely “Let It Go” would be a helpful one for some people.
I know my impatience on this drive is all in my head. Impatience is just another word for “anxiety,” isn’t it? It is unhelpful and unhealthy to carry certain things around, and it is liberating to let such things go. Rationally, I know I need to let go of my impatience with this situation — this situation which is growing more frustrating with each slowly elapsing mile.
We are still going under the speed limit. And when I say “we” I realize I am thinking of my car and the two vehicles ahead of me as a band of drivers struggling behind the slowpoke out front. I am seeing us as a group struggling against … against what? A selfish and/or clueless driver? A nervous, unsure and overly cautious novice? An aging driver who perhaps is way past ready to hand the keys over to their younger caretakers? Who knows?
Not me, I start to realize. I am making up all these scenarios on the spot, passing judgment on some total stranger, being ungenerous to a fellow human being because of my own wants and desires. Selfish and clueless? That’s me in a nutshell.
Now, a little less than 10 miles from where we first bunched up, it looks like the driver of the slow vehicle is ready to turn left. They certainly take their time about it. I use their hesitation to add more details to my made-up story. After the left turn, we three drivers continue on at a reasonable rate of speed. I wonder if at any point they were as frustrated as I was.
The rest of the drive is uneventful, at least as far as traffic hassles go. I am starting to feel some inner peace which is so much easier for me when I am not in the midst of annoyances. Maybe next time it will be easier for me to “Let It Go.” Soon, I pull into the driveway just glad to be home. I pray everyone else gets home safely.
Norman Knight, a retired Clark-Pleasant Middle School teacher, writes this weekly column for the Daily Journal. Send comments to [email protected].
