To the editor:
I am writing this letter in memory of our brother, Michael Tumbarello, on behalf of my brothers and sisters and myself.
Back on April 25, 1998, he was riding his bike in Edinburgh, and had the terrible misfortune of being stuck and killed from behind. He never knew what hit him; he died instantly. This is not to rehash what happened — court records and newspaper articles from that time have told the story. I will not even mention the person who did this to him and our family.
We choose to remember all the good my brother did. I know he would want that, and to not dwell on the events of that horrific day.
Some of you may remember what happened, maybe some of you were there. Some kind-hearted people tried to help Mike, even though it was too late. Our family thanks you for that. It is said that drugs and alcohol effect nearly every family in America — this is how it changed ours forever. We can only hope that some lessons were learned that day– that marijuana and cocaine, along with many other drugs, including alcohol, can and DO impair ones’ ability to drive safely and make good judgments. Also, enabling, (making excuses for someone you know who is on drugs or drinking), helps neither them nor the other people on the road.
Twenty years have gone by — 20 years that we were deprived of Mike. My parents had their hearts broken that day, and our family has never been the same. Children were born since then that did not get to meet their uncle. For every major event — graduations, first communions, confirmations, birthdays, etc. — there is a hole that can’t be filled. Ask anyone who has lost a family member or close friend. Life goes on, but it is never the same. This affects everyone.
I have tried to move towards forgiveness of the person who killed my brother, and I don’t know that I will ever get there. Every time I think of my parents losing their son, it makes it difficult if not impossible to extend forgiveness. It is said though, that when we forgive, it is not for the other person’s sake, but for our own.
I choose to not hold onto all of the anger of the past. What I can do is pray and hope that this person has some remorse and has learned to make better choices in life — for the sake of themselves and their family members. Justice was not served to us that day, in the loss of our brother/son/uncle, and in the sentencing that followed afterward.
The memories we have of Mike are what make the days bearable. He would want us to be loving and forgiving. Maybe someday we can be, but right now, we still miss our brother and wish he was here.
Margie Tumbarello Hesdorfer
Schoharie, New York
