The following is a true story. But I have written two alternative final paragraphs.
My ethical dilemma begins with an insensitive remark I made to a friend. As an apology, I invited him to breakfast at our favorite café, and I sent him a $30 gift card to cover our meal.
We met the next week. When the waiter returned with the card, he informed us there was some credit remaining. “You use it,” said Jim, “and thanks for breakfast.”
“How much credit is left?” I asked the waiter.
“Let’s see,” said Jake, “the balance is $971.12. And I think that’s a record at this place. Second place is $13.78.”
You could have scraped me off the floor with a spatula. “Wait,” I said, “this is a mistake. The card was only for $30.”
Jake talked to the manager who said their records showed I paid a thousand in cash two weeks earlier at 8 a.m.
“Listen, Jake, I’d have to be really snookered at eight in the morning to spend a thousand bucks on a gift card at an omelet shop.”
The manager personally came over and confirmed I could use the card’s balance. “It’s our mistake,” he said, “and we will honor it.”
My wife forbade me to use the balance and demanded that I return the card or destroy it. I knew she was right, but I wanted other opinions. First, I emailed my brother, a New Yorker. I was curious what his perspective would be.
DICK: Peter, the other day I bought a $30 gift card but they gave me $1,000 in credit by mistake. What should I do?
PETER: About what?
Next I sent an email to my editor, Heidi.
DICK: Heidi, can you help with this situation. I have a thousand dollar gift-card at a local breakfast joint because the cashier entered it into their system incorrectly. I only paid for a $30 card. Any suggestions.
HEIDI: First, you need question marks after the words “situation” and “suggestions.” And gift card is not hyphenated. Enjoy your free breakfasts.
My sister was next — a voice of reason.
DICK: I have a thousand dollar credit on a gift card that I paid 30 bucks for. Mary Ellen says I absolutely CAN NOT use it or she will never forgive me. What choice do I have?
LINDA: The choice is simple: 100 free omelets or no divorce.
Finally, I called my friend Bob. “Bob, I’m really not hurting anyone if I use the card, am I?”
“You’d be killing chickens.”
“I’m just eating the eggs.”
“They could have been chickens.”
“Bob, ask your wife what she would do.”
Bob came back to the phone. “Cathy says she agrees with what Mary Ellen said, 100 percent.”
“Did you tell her what Mary Ellen said?”
“No, why would that matter?”
I finally cut up the card. I was looking forward to a three-egg, four-cheese omelet every Sunday for two years, so I’ll be little down about that. But here’s the good news: so will my cholesterol.
OR
Mary Ellen was happy. She said if I used the card and the omelet place caught their mistake, I’d have egg on my face. Which was my plan from the beginning.
Email me your choice of endings or write a better one. Send to [email protected]. I will publish the results in a future column.
