Trying to make old relationship new again ends in same conversations, destinations

<p>Mary Ellen and I were relaxing on our back deck and after swatting a few mosquitoes, I said, “You know, sweetheart, we should look into screening in this area.”</p>
<p>“Yes, Dick, you’ve been saying that every year for the past 25 years. Not only that, but we are moving, remember?”</p>
<p>A few minutes later I mentioned how quickly the summer passes once the July 4 weekend is over.</p>
<p>“You say that every year around this time.”</p>
<p>I also remarked that the neighbors don’t grill out as often as we do. Apparently I had made this observation before. Several times.</p>
<p>Suddenly, I felt this great pressure on me. After 39 years, I didn’t have a single new thought to offer. I had always taken great pride in my snappy repartee, but those days were clearly over. Several seconds of uneasy silence followed. Mary Ellen finally spoke…</p>
<p>“When it gets this hot, I think about cutting my hair shorter.”</p>
<p>“Where have I heard that before?” I asked.</p>
<p>At that moment, we both realized we needed a way to jazz up our conversations. Mary Ellen had an idea: “I read this article in the doctor’s office.”</p>
<p>I’ve seen some of the covers of Cosmopolitan and I was just praying that was where she saw it. Phooey! It was from Good Housekeeping. Mary Ellen said the writer recommended that longtime-married couples should pretend they are going out on a first date—that it would make for an exciting and potentially romantic evening.</p>
<p>It seemed like a silly idea at first, but I agreed it was worth a try. On Friday night I asked Mary Ellen out for the next evening. She was annoyed that I waited until the last minute, assuming she didn’t already have Saturday night plans.</p>
<p>I went outside the house Saturday night and rang the doorbell, like it was a real date. I thought that would make a big impression on her, but she’s no dummy. She realized I had simply forgotten my keys.</p>
<p>We drove off in the car. “What shall we talk about tonight, Dick?”</p>
<p>“If this were a first date, we’d probably chat about movies we’ve each seen.”</p>
<p>“Okay, great idea. I just saw the new Mission Impossible.”</p>
<p>“I saw that, too.”</p>
<p>“I know, Dick, we saw it together.”</p>
<p>“Gone to any good new restaurants lately, Mary Ellen?”</p>
<p>“No, my husband likes to go to the same places all the time.”</p>
<p>“Mary Ellen, you are not supposed to have a husband. This is a first date. What kind of a jerk do you think I am, going out with a married woman? Let’s try travel. Have you ever seen the Pyramids?”</p>
<p>“We went last year. How could you forget?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t forget. I’m making conversation. That was the whole point of this.”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s getting too weird for me. I feel like I’m dating a man who’s lost his memory.”</p>
<p>We tried everything people would chat about when getting to know each other: music, religion, books. Honestly, we didn’t really hit it off, but there must have been something brewing on some level because despite a dismal first date, we both ended up back at my place.</p>