Disappointment — no one is immune to its effects. When our current reality fails to meet our expectations, it’s difficult not to feel disappointed. In particular, money and disappointment often hold hands.
We get passed over for the promotion. We overspend at the store. There never seems to be enough to make ends meet. A forgotten deadline, an overdue bill, a failed business, a goal that always seems just out of reach — no wonder discouragement creeps in convincing us things will never change.
But are we truly stuck with the hand we’ve been dealt? Is there no way forward or around the problems plaguing our finances? While each and every situation is unique and complex, there are some steps we can take when we’ve blown it when it comes to our money. If you’ve felt the sting of disappointment, take these measures before you throw in the towel.
Pause to breathe
Perhaps more than any other tool in our lives, money winds its way around our emotions. We draw our self worth from how much (or how little) we possess. Easily convinced that cash can indeed buy happiness, we make purchases based on our whims and feelings.
For this reason, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed when negativity rears its ugly head. In the last week, our household faced unexpected expenses in the shape of a cracked pipe under the kitchen sink, the need for new brakes, and a laptop that decided to give up the ghost. Whether it’s a small hiccup like one of these (or multiple hiccups) or a major blow like a job loss or critical diagnosis, you need space from your circumstances.
Take a moment or two to pause and breathe. While the problem’s solution may not arrive overnight, there is a way forward. Choose an activity (one that doesn’t cost money) to help you decompress and receive clarity. Go for a run or walk, brew a pot of coffee at home, or spend a quiet evening talking to a friend. Slow down so you can focus on your next steps.
Recognize there’s a problem
Not every financial struggle is a result of our own behavior. However, many do result as a consequence of our choices. Whether we simply weren’t paying attention, living beyond our means, or failed to plan for worst, we can be our own disappointing enemies when it comes to money.
If we don’t recognize our patterns led us to a point of crisis, things will progress from bad to worse. In fact, the existing problems we have will morph into greater cash calamities. Persisting in the exact same daily habits won’t lead you out of the current predicament. Recognizing and owning our own problems does lead toward a way forward.
Make a list
Next you need to make a list. While counting your blessings is helpful in this situation, you’re going to need to take things one step further.
Rather than getting down on yourself for all of the missteps you’ve made, recognize that you do have skills when it comes to your personal finances. Take a few moments and detail your own strengths. Everyone has strengths. Oftentimes, those strengths when pushed to the limits become weaknesses. Recognize your own gifts that can help you out of what seems like a hopeless situation. Count your money victories, too.
Seek out a third party
Asking for help is rarely fun for any of us. It requires humility and vulnerability. It takes courage to admit you’re at a loss for what to do next. However, a third party may very well be the best course of action for you when you feel the pains of financial disappointment.
Someone outside your situation will be able to rationally identify your root problem and a solution. Whether you reach out to financial advisor, counselor, trusted friend or spiritual leader, be wise about who you choose. Ask for advice, not money. If the person provides resources like books to read or podcasts to listen to, follow through.
Be brave enough to ask for help. Be wise enough to receive it.
Create a path forward
What’s the next small step you can take? Maybe you need to take your credit card out of your wallet. Or perhaps you need to dust off and improve your resume. It might be that you balance your checkbook and create a budget.
The enormity of our troubles often have a paralyzing effect. No, your disappointment won’t go away in a day. However, you can do something. Don’t allow pessimism to rule the day. Take a small step toward a new, brighter future. Think through what may have landed you in this position. Then take the necessary measures daily to avoid returning to where you are.
Fight the urge to believe you’ll never find a way out. Focus on what you can do and move forward. Your situation is not beyond hope.
