Planning helps chase away fear of life transitions

<p>Our family is entering a new phase. In a few short weeks, our oldest daughter crosses an important academic threshold. The little girl I once held in my arms will be a senior in high school.</p><p>I swore I’d never be one of those people. You know, the type who clucked their tongues at parents of young children and wistfully said, “It goes by so quickly.” After all, this never seemed helpful or possible as my toddler had a meltdown in the middle of the grocery store.</p><p>But here we are. I am that woman. Apologies if those words come out of my mouth during your parenting crisis at the local big box retailer.</p><p>As a result of this upcoming transition, we’ve been gearing up for college. For two solid years, our soon-to-be senior has netted more mail than any of the rest of us combined. Flyers, catalogs, letters, a few stickers, and even a Christmas ornament have made their way to our mailbox. Campuses I’ve never even heard about all seem to want our daughter (and perhaps our dollars) to come and study there.</p><p>With any transition, the unknown brings with it questions. Will she make the right choice? Where will that be? What will she study?</p><p>Launching a kid into college, taking a new job, buying a home, choosing to marry, retiring — most major life changes bring financial complications, which can cause fear. We’re only human after all and the unknown rattles each of us a bit.</p><p>If you find yourself in a new phase of life too, take a deep breath. We’re going to be OK, I promise. In the meantime, consider implementing the following tips to cope with fear when it comes to your finances.</p><p>Talk to someone who’s been there</p><p>Odds are good the new path you’re on is well worn. Others have faced the same problems, challenges and transitions. No matter what financial crisis or new beginning you currently encounter, seek out counsel from someone you know and trust.</p><p>Ask smart questions about what was most helpful to them. What resources or strategies did they use? Which places did they visit? Do they have any connections who might be able to help?</p><p>Talking to someone who has already charted the path can help you alleviate some of your worries and give you perspective for what lies ahead.</p><p>take some time to Educate yourself</p><p>Surprise! You don’t know all the answers to life’s problems. Neither do I. But the good news for both of us is that the base of knowledge at our fingertips is ever-expanding and growing. If you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re not alone. But don’t choose to stay there.</p><p>Take a trip to the local library to check out books about your current financial situation. Look for YouTube videos that explain methods to cope with your predicament. Listen to podcasts. Read articles online.</p><p>Once you’ve built a knowledge base, you’ll feel much more comfortable with the unknown financial future.</p><p>Keep a Pros and Cons list</p><p>As you refine your decision making, it’s wise to keep a list of pros and cons. We’ve started making visits to college campuses with our daughter. At the conclusion of each, we’ve asked her to give us five things she liked about the educational institution and two red flags. She not only verbalizes these factors to us out loud but started logging them in a running document so she can remember long after the visit is over.</p><p>Creating a list that you can access later keeps you from making a major financial choice based on a temporary feeling. As you build a clearer picture about both the positives and negatives of a particular decision, you’ll scare away lingering fears.</p><p>Don’t be afraid to spend money</p><p>People typically sit up and take notice when I encourage them to spend. Don’t misread this, friends. It’s not an open invitation to wildly toss money in the air without thought. On the contrary, I want to encourage you to loosen the purse strings IF (and only if) it will help you save money in the long run.</p><p>For instance, we are seeking out the assistance of a paid professional to help us sort out scholarships and some of the technical steps of applying for college. Her skills might cost some money up front but have the potential to save us thousands of dollars. We’re also encouraging our daughter to take college entrance exams more than once. And we’ve purchased an online program for her to take practice tests and quizzes to improve her scores.</p><p>When a large sum of money is on the line, don’t hesitate to contact a professional to ask for help. If you don’t have the resources to pay for such services, reach out to the local library to see if they are hosting workshops centered around your financial transition.</p><p>Perhaps the most challenging aspect of fear and finances is the “paralyzation factor.” When we don’t understand what we’re facing or we become overwhelmed by anxiety and the unknown, we tend to shut down. If not careful, we become stuck in a holding pattern. Be brave enough to begin taking steps toward clarity.</p><p>Above all, no matter how much you want to tell that young mother or father how the years fly by in an instant, choose to tell them they’re doing a great job instead. And maybe buy a bag of crackers for their screaming toddler.</p>