Dear Dad,
You might think that a seasoned, clutching-the-end-of-her-50s-year-old daughter would write a sentimental, Happy Father’s Day love-letter to her vibrant 88-year-old father. But that would be silly, wouldn’t it? Nope, I’ll let those six other siblings and tribe of grandchildren tell you with mushy Hallmark Cards how great you are … blah, blah, blah.
Leta, Debbie, Kevin, Jerri, David and Chris’s Father’s Day cards might be full of horse-pooey like:
“Dearest Dad,
Because you are the oldest of eleven siblings, you modeled how to honor your parents and love your brothers and sisters. We are a better family because of you…blah, blah, blah.”
My “you’re an OK dad” letter:
“Dearest Dad,
Thanks for sharing with me how you and Uncle Don used to pummel each other with hedge apples, knocking each other in the back of the head with those 6-inch diameter, bumpy neon-green fruit. I suppose I did learn a little about teamwork when you added that your brothers and you would join forces to work as a team against some neighbors boys.
And even more, when you were having the hedge-apple fight with the neighbor boys across State Road 135 back in the 1940s, you all scattered because one errant flying osage-orange fruit flew through the window of a passing funeral procession. I do see a lesson on how friends or family antagonists can easily become allies in a mere instant.”
One of the other six might write:
“Beloved Father:
Thank you for demonstrating how to love God and your wife…blah, blah, blah.”
My honest note:
“Pa, I do appreciate you and mom dragging us to church every single Sunday, but I feel I need to inform you that a few times when David and Chris were in their teens, they walked to church, picked up a church bulletin (their proof) and walked home without actually attending. I know they will try to justify this by saying it was 40 years ago and they both now actively love taking their families to worship — but I think they still need to be punished. Thanks for doing your job.”
The other half dozen, might write:
“Dad (a.k.a) Frank, Mr. Hommel, Grandpa:
Thank you for…
Loving and caring for mom so tenderly.
Bringing music to our lives.
Loving and honoring God.
Serving your country.
Being a great athlete and coach.
Making us laugh and having a great sense of humor.
Being a loving and faithful father, dad, brother, grandfather, uncle, friend.
For being a man we all so proudly call ‘Dad.’”
I would sign that card.
But I would definitely remind him that David and Chris still need punished.
