<p>Sometimes the husband and I pretend we have superpowers and can hear through walls, around corners and upstairs.</p><p>Yesterday he was in the kitchen and I was in the family room and he said, “Would you like to see ‘Hank the Dirty Narcissist?’”</p><p>We have different likes and dislikes when it comes to entertainment, but this was more puzzling than usual.</p><p>“Why would I want to see a show about some guy named Hank who is a dirty narcissist?” I called back.</p><p>He walked into the family room and slowly said, “Do you want to go see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra?”</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Our superpowers aren’t as super as we think. In truth, sometimes we can’t hear each other when we are in the same room.</p><p>The husband thinks we may have age-related hearing loss, but I don’t think that is the case at all. I think we have spouse-related hearing loss, which is entirely different, but equally as frustrating.</p><p>Spouse-related hearing loss begins around the 20th anniversary, picks up steam by the 25th, and is a runaway train by the 30th.</p><p>The husband surmised he should have his hearing tested and I said, “Don’t bother, I can diagnose the problem.”</p><p>“You’re not a doctor,” he said.</p><p>“No, but I play one in real life: ear infections, sore throats, strep, sinus problems, chest colds, appendicitis, asthma, flu and broken arms. I can test your hearing right here, right now.”</p><p>He just looked at me.</p><p>“No charge,” I said.</p><p>“OK, have it your way.”</p><p>A few minutes later, we are in the same room and I say, “I’d like to go see a musical I’ve been hearing about. What do you think about Wednesday evening?”</p><p>Of course, in a musical the actors periodically break into song and dance, and I knew that might be a problem for him.</p><p>No answer. Nothing. The man is within arm’s reach and he cannot hear me. His problem is twofold — tonal frequency and topic.</p><p>My tone told him I was about to attempt to sell him on something, so his hearing began shutting down. At the mention of the possibility of attending a musical, his hearing turned completely off.</p><p>Had I inserted the words football, basketball or baseball in place of musical, he would not only have heard and responded, but pumped his fist in the air.</p><p>To further test the theory, I try again.</p><p>“How do thick, juicy burgers on the grill sound for dinner?” I whisper in a barely audible voice.</p><p>“GREAT!” he yells. “I’ll light the grill.”</p><p>Just like that, the man is out the door and fanning flames on the grill. Excellent hearing and even better response time.</p><p>Dinner is now on the table.</p><p>“The burgers are ready and I bought tickets to the musical,” I say.</p><p>“I heard the burgers are ready,” he says. “What else did you say?”</p>
