Dick Wolfsie: I’m packed and ready to not go

<p>My wife is planning our 40th anniversary vacation to Iceland. She anticipates all potential problems. That’s why she made me re-read an article from Prevention magazine, which several years ago scared me so much I wanted to cancel our 25th anniversary trip to Germany.</p><p><strong>TRAVELER’S DIARRHEA:</strong> In this section we learn that seven out of ten travelers experience this, which is why requests for aisle seats outnumber those for window seats on most overseas flights. An infectious disease specialist says, “Many people have been de-railed by this problem.” I am sure even more have been de-planed and de-boated. But I suppose it happens on trains, as well. This doctor suggests you pack a drug called bismuth subsalicylate to take with you on the trip. In a real emergency, just say Pepto Bismol to the druggist. You really haven’t got a lot of time to mess with the pronunciation. The doctor directs you to not drink tap water or eat local fruits and vegetables that may be contaminated, but apparently he didn’t read the warning in the next paragraph.</p><p><strong>CONSTIPATION:</strong> This is a different doctor (I know, medicine is getting really specialized) who says that four out of ten people suffer from this disorder on trips. Wait a second: seven out of ten have the first problem and four of ten have the other problem? That means one traveler has both problems. Or does that mean he or she doesn’t have a problem? All I know is that the four out of ten people don’t need an aisle seat. By the way, this physician suggests eating a lot of fruits and vegetables. Seriously, do these doctors ever talk to each other?</p><p><strong>BLOOD CLOTS:</strong> Here’s another cheery section. It begins by telling readers who travel by plane to stand up as often as possible and stretch. Therefore, “it’s most important that you get an aisle seat.” Sadly, most of those seats are being taken by you-know-who. If you end up with the middle seat, you better hope the guy in the aisle seat isn’t sitting there much of the time, which come to think of it, he won’t be.</p><p><strong>MOTION SICKNESS:</strong> Once again, an aisle seat is recommended, but hurry — those seats are going fast. The opposite is true if you are travelling by car: you should take the window option.</p><p><strong>BACK PAIN:</strong> “When people lift bags into the top compartment, many swing them in a way that can cause harm,” says an orthopedic surgeon. That is so true. On our trip to Ireland a few years ago, I decked a man and half his family with a poorly timed toss of my duffle bag into the overhead. Dr. Rao goes on to advise that you should always hold your bags close to your body. Good advice, especially in the New York and Amsterdam airports.</p><p>Next to this article is a lovely full-color photo of suggested travel drugs and what they will look like when you pack them neatly into one smart-looking designer carry-on bag. There’s Miralax, Ricola, Dramamine, Lomotil, Pepto Bismol and Benadryl, to name a few. It’s a visual representation of everything that can potentially ruin your trip. The magazine warns against purchasing these products overseas, because in some countries, over-the-counter meds are counterfeit. You’ll probably end up having to buy them there, anyway. Once the TSA agent here in Indy sees that stash in your bag, you’ll be lucky to still have your two-ounce bottle of shampoo.</p>