Mother and daughter pressed their hands up to the door, finding connection even while separated by a thick pane of glass.
New Whiteland resident Maribeth Alspach stood outside the window of Compass Park’s Skilled Nursing area. She had come Monday afternoon with her sister, Lisa Campbell, and their children and grandchildren to see 93-year-old Betty Jo Owen — Alspach and Campbell’s mother.
Typically, family members would visit Owen daily, taking time to help feed her meals and spend time with her. But with the recent COVID-19 outbreak, Monday marked 12 days since Alspach and Campbell had seen their mother.
"Do you realize that all the people here love you?" Alspach said, pressing up against the window. "We sure do love you."
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The coronavirus crisis had put up a barrier between countless families just like Alspach, Campbell and Owen. With adults age 60 and over at greatest risk from the virus, living facilities such as Compass Park have closed themselves to visitors, even family members.
The separation is difficult, not only for their residents but for outside families too. Compass Park staff arranged to have Owen come to the window so her family could have some contact, talk to her on a phone and sing with her. The gesture provided the family with a small measure of comfort.
"It’s wonderful. I really appreciate this," Owen said, blowing kisses to the group.
On Monday, a group of 11 gathered at Compass Park, near a bank of windows where a nurse had brought Owen in her wheelchair. People held signs with Bible verses on them, among other sayings.
"You Are Our Sunshine," one sign read.
Alspach unfurled a fleece blanket adorned with family photos. They had brought their new puppy to help cheer up Owen.
"I’m so glad you brought the puppy," Owen said.
For about 10 minutes, the group took turns speaking by phone through the window. They laughed, and shed some tears. At the end, the group joined together to sing the inspirational song, "This Is the Day."
"You’re all so beautiful," Owen said as the visit ended. "How did anyone ever get so lucky?"
Up until March 11, Alspach and Campbell were in constant contact with their mother. Owen requires a large amount of daily assistance with everyday activities. A bone in her neck has started pushing against her spinal column, making it difficult to use her arms and legs. That means she needs help with activities such as putting on her glasses, brushing her hair and teeth, getting dressed and feeding herself.
Alspach took comfort in being able to brush her mom’s hair, make sure her hearing aid batteries were working and filing her fingernails.
The staff at Compass Park does a fantastic job caring for Owen, Alspach said. But she understands that they’re very busy, so the sisters, and other family members, have committed to coming up at least twice each day to help with feedings.
"We have a schedule, and somebody feeds her every day for lunch and for dinner," Alspach said. "We always just go to do that, and it frees them up to help someone else. And we can spend more time with mom. We all want to do it."
When Compass Park, like most other senior living facilities, decided to start enforcing no-visitor policies, Alspach and her family had one last night to gather with Owen and see her.
"All of us showed up to say, ‘We love you Mom.’ We are blessed to be a large family, and there were quite a few of us there," Alspach said.
Owen has been keeping her spirits up by reading from Compass Park’s extensive library. The family has been able to call her, speaking with her on the phone on a regular basis. Last week, they were able to FaceTime so Owen could see her family through the phone. They have put together care packages for Owen and the other residents on her floor, which they’ve left outside the doors and the Compass Park staff has retrieved for Owen.
Still, it has been difficult.
"When your kids are little, you know that you’re responsible for these little people. I have to keep them safe. Now, we’re responsible for taking care of this woman who has cared for us our entire lives, who now finds herself so vulnerable," Alspach said.
"I feel like I’m failing her every day when I’m not there."
Compass Park staff wanted to do more to connect the family.
Tammy Mason, a social worker at the facility, contacted Alspach about making a special arrangement. Mason offered to bring Owen down to the doors of the hospice center at Compass Park, where the family could interact with her safely through the glass. They could talk to one another on the phone, and most importantly, see each others’ faces while they spoke.
Being able to see Owen made for an amazing day for Alspach, Campbell and the rest of the family. But they acknowledge that the visit likely made a greater impact on Owen.
"It’s wonderful what they’ve done," Alspach said. "But the reality is, as much as it means for us, it means so much to those folks inside."
