It’s difficult being an LGBTQIA+ person right now, but it is perhaps the most difficult being a trans person. I am a trans man who has been out for more than a year, and it was bittersweet to celebrate this anniversary. I am the happiest that I’ve ever been now that I’m out and don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not just to please other people, but it was, and still is, a rocky road.
Now that I’ve been on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for over a year and had top surgery, I pass more easily as a man, and I am misgendered less often. The euphoria I feel when I’m called “sir” out in public is indescribable. But along with my happiness comes uncertainty.
Almost every day, I see transphobic posts on social media and news about new anti-trans laws being proposed or passed. It’s horrible to feel like it’s illegal just to exist.
In my short time as an out trans man, I have dealt with almost daily misgendering by friends, family, acquaintances and strangers who find it too difficult to use my preferred pronouns. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have to “suck it up” and deal with it, but it doesn’t hurt any less each time it happens.
When I decided I wanted to start HRT, I talked with my primary care physician and she gave me a very short list of doctors in the area who had experience with treating gender dysphoria with HRT. I was disappointed to see that my only options were to go to either Indianapolis or Bloomington. Little did I know at the time, that starting HRT would be a breeze compared to getting top surgery.
I did extensive research into surgeons in Indiana that will perform the surgery and found only three. Luckily, one of them was with IU Health and was in my insurance network. What would follow was over a year of call after call to both the surgeon and my insurance to get the clearance and coverage I needed to get scheduled for the surgery. Originally, my insurance denied coverage under the reasoning that the surgery was not medically necessary, but my surgeon wrote a letter of medical necessity that overturned the decision. In all, I needed four letters — one from my primary care physician, one from the nurse practitioner that prescribes my hormones, one from my therapist and one from my surgeon — to be cleared for the surgery and covered by insurance. It is unfathomable to me that we live in a society where someone would need four letters in order to receive a medically necessary surgery.
I’m sure I speak for all trans people when I say that we just want to live our lives and be happy.
We are just normal people who laugh and cry, love and care, and we feel the enormous weight of the world on our shoulders.
If you have someone in your life who is trans, I urge you to try to be understanding and let them know they are loved. And even if you don’t know someone who is trans, showing support and love to the LGBTQIA+ community means more than you know.
Ray Niedbalski is a part of the newsroom staff at The (Columbus) Republic and formerly worked at the Brown County Democrat. He can be reached at [email protected]. Send comments to [email protected].
