<p>Dear Dad,</p><p>You might think that a seasoned, clutching-the-end-of-her-50s-year-old daughter would write a sentimental, Happy Father’s Day love-letter to her vibrant 88-year-old father. But that would be silly, wouldn’t it? Nope, I’ll let those six other siblings and tribe of grandchildren tell you with mushy Hallmark Cards how great you are … blah, blah, blah.</p><p>Leta, Debbie, Kevin, Jerri, David and Chris’s Father’s Day cards might be full of horse-pooey like:</p><p>“Dearest Dad,</p><p>Because you are the oldest of eleven siblings, you modeled how to honor your parents and love your brothers and sisters. We are a better family because of you…blah, blah, blah.”</p><p>My “you’re an OK dad” letter:</p><p>“Dearest Dad,</p><p>Thanks for sharing with me how you and Uncle Don used to pummel each other with hedge apples, knocking each other in the back of the head with those 6-inch diameter, bumpy neon-green fruit. I suppose I did learn a little about teamwork when you added that your brothers and you would join forces to work as a team against some neighbors boys.</p><p>And even more, when you were having the hedge-apple fight with the neighbor boys across State Road 135 back in the 1940s, you all scattered because one errant flying osage-orange fruit flew through the window of a passing funeral procession. I do see a lesson on how friends or family antagonists can easily become allies in a mere instant.”</p><p>One of the other six might write:</p><p>“Beloved Father:</p><p>Thank you for demonstrating how to love God and your wife…blah, blah, blah.”</p><p>My honest note:</p><p>“Pa, I do appreciate you and mom dragging us to church every single Sunday, but I feel I need to inform you that a few times when David and Chris were in their teens, they walked to church, picked up a church bulletin (their proof) and walked home without actually attending. I know they will try to justify this by saying it was 40 years ago and they both now actively love taking their families to worship — but I think they still need to be punished. Thanks for doing your job.”</p><p>The other half dozen, might write:</p><p>“Dad (a.k.a) Frank, Mr. Hommel, Grandpa:</p><p>Thank you for…</p><p>Loving and caring for mom so tenderly.</p><p>Bringing music to our lives.</p><p>Loving and honoring God.</p><p>Serving your country.</p><p>Being a great athlete and coach.</p><p>Making us laugh and having a great sense of humor.</p><p>Being a loving and faithful father, dad, brother, grandfather, uncle, friend.</p><p>For being a man we all so proudly call ‘Dad.’”</p><p>I would sign that card.</p><p>But I would definitely remind him that David and Chris still need punished.</p>
