These wives can tackle any problem…the water guns are just for fun

<p>Some of Becky’s best ideas come during those occasional sleepless periods she experiences in the wee hours. She shared her latest eureka moment with me the other morning over coffee. “You know those big toy guns that shoot water? If we keep one loaded by the back door, when those pesky squirrels and chipmunks get into the bird feeders or the potted plants on the deck, I can blast them with water. It will scare them away without doing them any real harm.”</p><p>Hmm, I usually just peck on the window, but I conceded it was a feasible solution for someone who is not a gun person. Besides, it might be fun to have one of those around. Better yet, it might be fun to have two of them for when it gets middle-of-the -summer hot and a person or persons want a creative way cool off. I got to work.</p><p>First I checked with Professor Google to see which water guns the experts suggested. After an extensive search—well, after I checked two places—the overwhelming consensus was the Nerf Super Soaker had great power and distance. (I paused briefly to consider whether two opinions can constitute a consensus but let that woolgathering go by for another time.) I checked on-line for local stores that stocked them and the next time I drove north to civilization, I bought a Super Soaker. Just one for now.</p><p>The price for the glorified squirt gun was reasonable but after watching Becky attack the squirrels and chipmunks with it, I would have paid five times the price. It was entertaining and enlightening. I had no idea what a warrior she could be. She was bold and fearless against the enemy, swinging the door open and charging into battle with a rebel yell. “Eat Water, Suet Stealers!” she would scream as she burst onto the battlefield. The interlopers were met with the shock and awe of great bursts of cold water. I saw a side of her that doesn’t often come out, but thinking about it, I shouldn’t have been too surprised. She attacks every problem that comes her way with similar gusto and determination.</p><p>A week or so after the campaign began, we had breakfast with our friends Anne and Steve. The Battle of The Bird Feeders was told and the song of Becky’s Super Soaker heroics was sung. Not only were they delighted with the story, it turns out Anne had had the same idea for bird feeder deterrence and had bought the same make and model for herself. According to Steve, not only has Anne introduced thieving squirrels and chipmunks to the business end of a Super Soaker, she includes feral cats in her axis of evil critters. Once again, I was not too surprised. Both women excel at devising ways to creatively solve problems.</p><p>Both Becky and Anne were fulsome in their praises of their weapons as well as insistent in the righteousness of their cause to rid bird feeding areas of non-bird aggressors. I knew they were serious about it, and would be telling others about their method of success. Good for them. I do, however, have one concern: as word spreads, things might get out of control. Eventually, other bird feeding Super Soaker enthusiasts might want to take it to the next level. Some might decide to form a National Soaker Association (NSA). Imagine the slogans: “If Super Soakers are outlawed, only rodents will have Soakers.” Or maybe: “You can have my Super Soaker when you pry it from my cold, damp hands.” Lobbyists from Nerf and other Big Squirt companies would swarm Washington D.C. and attempt to stifle any sensible Super Soaker reforms. Coalitions that speak for squirrels and chipmunks would form to counterbalance these blocs. And on and on.</p><p>Where would it end?</p>