<p>Last week, ABC News reported that a Wisconsin man had just eaten his 30,000th Big Mac (more than one a day, for 50 years).</p>
<p>Donald Gorsky lives in Milwaukee, which is unbelievable. No, not the Milwaukee part — the living part. Think about it: 30,000 Big Macs, according to a group of high school students who have researched this, is the equivalent of 800 heads of lettuce, 523 pounds of cheese, 100 gallons of special sauce, 14 heads of cattle and several million sesame seeds. And he says he never gets sick. He has no known health issues, but he has surely created some unknown ones.</p>
<p>We have to give a guy like this some credit. Every health and dietetics book in the country would have predicted that Gorsky should have been in his McCoffin by now…but instead, the newspaper article claims he is healthy, robust and has actually fathered genetically viable children. And he broke four other records, as well:</p>
<p>1. Most consecutive decades for one individual to surpass the recommended dietary allowance for saturated fat every day.</p>
<p>2. Person with the most articles of clothing (26) with special sauce stains.</p>
<p>3. The only person in history to order the exact same thing at the same McDonald’s for 50 years and get the wrong order 27,000 times.</p>
<p>4. First person to go on Weight Watchers and run out of points by 8:30 a.m. every day.</p>
<p>By the way, Gorsky also eats White Castles every day, but he never mentions it because he knows it’s a disgusting habit and he’s trying to quit.</p>
<p>All of us have probably broken at least one record, but we’re not smart enough to figure out that some of our habitual behaviors belong in the books. I made a list of some of the records I have set, but I don’t know of any noteworthy category for my accomplishments.</p>
<p>1. Every morning for 25 years, I have gotten in the shower, washed my face, stepped out of the shower to shave, then stepped back in the shower to rinse off my shaving cream. I have never wavered from this. Not once. (No word from the Guinness people yet.)</p>
<p>2. I have checked my cell phone for messages 12 or more times every day. This is a world record that I hold. Well, OK, I don’t actually hold that record; I am tied with four billion other people.</p>
<p>3. Finally, here is the record I am most proud of. For my entire adult life, I have started my to-do list with the word EXERCISE followed by a little O that I fill in when I have completed that chore. I have never missed a day. Not actually exercising—just coloring in that little O on the list.</p>
<p>Oh, one final note about Mr. Gorsky. When he was a prison guard in Milwaukee, the inmates rioted because they had been served Salisbury steak three days in a row.</p>
<p>Needless to say, he wasn’t very sympathetic.</p>
