<p>I’m not sure at what point that I learned the valuable lesson that certain topics are better left undiscussed during the holiday season.</p>
<p>As we gather with our friends and family, those who we have been given and most of the time love, moments meant for celebration and joy can turn sour. Both politics and religion evoke strong opinions and emotions. But the topic of finances also provides a source for potential conflict. This year, rather than allowing arguments to dispel holiday cheer, consider these ideas when it comes to talking to your family members about money.</p>
<p>Be a living example</p>
<p>Especially when you’ve had financial success, it’s easy to spot where others are making poor decisions. And while you may have the answers your friends or family needs, unless they’re ready to receive that wisdom, the advice will fall on deaf ears.</p>
<p>The best way for you to share your enthusiasm about what you’ve learned is to live your life according to your own principles. Share what you’re excited about and thankful for. Obviously, keep your tone from wandering into bragging, but fully step into what’s working well with your money and own it. Actions always speak louder than words.</p>
<p>One last note: Before you dole out new ideas, don’t forget to examine your personal finance habits. If you’re not following your own advice, no matter how solid the plan, your words won’t be well received.</p>
<p>Be hesitant about lending money</p>
<p>Lending money to friends and family forever changes your relationship dynamic. And often simply throwing money at a problem doesn’t really solve the root issue. However, if you decide to help someone out, it may be a better idea to give money rather than lending it.</p>
<p>If you do choose to give someone money, realize you really don’t have control over that gift after it leaves your hand — or in this case, your wallet. Your loved one may still choose unwise pursuits. Lending with strings attached or even with well-defined terms typically leads to resentment and discord. And in some cases, relationships are never the same after what was meant to be a well meaning source of help becomes an ugly sore spot.</p>
<p>Provide resources, not opinions</p>
<p>Sometimes the same truth is more compelling when it comes from a third party. For the adults in your life who knew you as a child, your opinions might be overlooked or even ignored. After all, who wants to take advice from someone who you once taught to walk, talk or feed themselves?</p>
<p>Measure your words when sharing your enthusiasm about wise habits, especially with your elders. Instead of pointing out everything everyone is doing wrong, share a resource like a book, website or podcast where you’ve found inspiration. I’ve written a couple of books that you could recommend or even give as a gift this year.</p>
<p>Realize growth occurs slowly over time</p>
<p>Changing habits takes time and devotion. There are days I shake my head in embarrassment thinking about the principles I held tightly to only ten years ago that seem absurd to me now. In fact, I often wonder what I will think differently about in the future that seems essential in the here and now.</p>
<p>Your friend or family member may not “get it” quite yet. But planting and watering seeds will in the end yield a great reward. We just have to be patient. Continue to be consistent and kind in your message. After all, the way a vision is presented leads to either acceptance or rejection. No one gets excited or feels valued when berated or yelled at. Rarely does this lead to growth.</p>
<p>It may take months or even years for your message to sink in and that’s OK. If you’re anything like me, the same might have been true for you, too.</p>
<p>None of us can change others</p>
<p>In the end, we all make our own decisions. No matter how much we’d love the idea of those we care about stepping into better choices, we can’t make those choices for them. They have to own their own behaviors. And we have to own ours. At some point, we’re better off releasing them, realizing that we’re not masters of the universe. It’s a constant struggle for certain, but we’re all healthier adults in the end when we drop the pursuit of controlling others.</p>
<p>This year, before you head to that family gathering, brainstorm a list of potential conversations. Better yet, create a list of questions that will help you get to know those in your midst a bit more. Recall favorite Christmas memories or momentous occurrences from the past year. Share gratitude together.</p>
<p>Don’t hide who you are, but carefully consider how your words will affect your relationship, both now and in the future. Above all things, love well.</p>
